Descent Into Madness
by ThinkingDeeply
Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Would they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst. Rating changed due to adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

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Chapter 1: Chaos

"That's an interesting tie clip," Amy commented to her date. The air was feeling very heavy and uncomfortable, so she needed to break the ice. "Oh, thanks. Its Avogadro's constant," he replied in his British accent, smiling at her warmly. "It's useful for calculating the number of atoms in a substance, or causing regret in anyone who asks about it…" He realized that he should have stopped talking after 'thanks.'

"No, I… I think it's neat." She responded, grabbing the tie and leaning in to get a better look at it. Dave took this as an opportunity and leaned in to plant a kiss on her lips. "Oh!" Amy exclaimed, jerking away instinctively, not sure if it was due to surprise or something else. Either way, she didn't plan that response. "Sorry, sorry! No one's liked the tie clip before so I just lost all control." He explained, hoping he hadn't ruined his chances with her. She was an amazing woman, and he really thinks there could be a future there. Not to mention, she could be his key to meeting the brilliant Sheldon Cooper.

"No, it's ok… We ARE on a date… I'm…" She exhaled nervously. "I'm just a little nervous"

"Well, no need to be nervous with me. I'm just a harmless giant from a foreign land." He joked, trying to lighten the mood again. She smiled at this. "I'm just being silly. I… I don't know what I'm waiting for."

He took his chance and leaned in once more, happy to see that she was leaning in as well. Amy knew exactly what she was waiting for. It was Sheldon. It had always been Sheldon. She wanted him to come to his senses and realize how important she was to him. She wanted him to come knocking on her door and profess his undying love, but none of that happened. As Dave's lips touched hers, she realized this might be her only chance at being with someone who would give her what she needs. Someone who won't take her for granted. Someone who won't be distracted by a TV show while making out with her. No… Dave's attention was all on her at this moment, and she relished the feeling of being the center of it.

He pulled her close to him, deepening the kiss, and she let him do so. Sheldon had never touched her in such a way; their kisses were always chaste. This was different, and it excited her in a way that she didn't think possible. She felt something she hadn't experienced before. She felt desired. And tonight, she would allow herself to be consumed by it.

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Sheldon was standing in the kitchen talking to Leonard and Penny about people who have gone mad, when the mention of the Beach Boys sent his synapsis firing. That was it. His conundrum had finally been solved. The earworm that had plagued him for hours, making him believe that he was starting a descent into madness, was finally deciphered. "I remember the song. It's called 'Darlin'' by the Beach Boys! Oh, thank goodness!" He exclaimed, happy to no longer have to worry about the tune stuck in his head.

A little while later, he was sitting on his spot while listening to the tune on his Laptop. "I wonder why it was this particular song stuck in my head?" he said, turning to Penny. Leonard shrugged and commented that it was pretty catchy while Penny questioned him if he even liked the beach boys. He informed her that they have beach right in the name, what did she think?

"Well, now that you can focus again, what do you say we go back to surface tension of domain walls?" Leonard asked, eager to get back to the problem that they should have been working on this whole time. "Of course," Sheldon responded, getting up. "I'm already seeing a more efficient way of taming the ultra v-" He stopped in his tracks, a realization hitting him. "I know why the song was in my head. It's about Amy." He read the lyrics out loud, confirming this conclusion. "I have to go," he stated, running out the door to get back the love of his life.

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Amy lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, guilt creeping its way into her mind. What had she just done? She felt betrayed by her own body. She had moaned and sighed for this man lying next to her, arching her back and moving her hips, while her heart was crying out for someone else. How could she allow herself to do those things? The worst part was that she had enjoyed every bit of it. Every touch, every kiss. He made her feel things she didn't even know her body was capable of, but now that the high had worn off she was consumed by her self-reproach. As tears made their way down her face, she slowly drifted off to sleep…

 _She rolled over in bed, sighing. Of course she would dream about Sheldon. She answered the door to his smiling face and she smiled back. He was finally here. He leaned in to kiss her and she closed her eyes, anticipating the feeling of his lips on hers—_

Knock, knock, knock, "Amy."

She was jolted awake by the sound of something loud, off in the distance. As she opened her eyes, realization hit her of where she was and who she was with. Guilt came crashing down on her once again.

Knock, knock, knock, "Amy."

Wait a minute… That wasn't some random noise. That was a very specific knocking pattern. That was Sheldon. Panic started to wash over her and she wondered how she was going to face him after what she had done.

Beside her, Dave started to open his eyes as well. He reached out and patted her shoulder. "There's someone at the door," he informed her, not knowing that she was already awake.

Knock, knock, knock, "Amy."

"That's Sheldon." She respond, getting up from bed and grabbing her robe from the hook behind her bedroom door. "No kidding, how's my hair?" He asked, excited for the opportunity to meet one of his scientific idols. Amy ignored that and rushed to answer the door.

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Sheldon was filled with nerves. After realizing that the song was about Amy, he had to see her as soon as possible. Not a moment more could be spared before he tells her that he needed her in his life. That he couldn't get her out of his heart. He needed to ask her to be his girlfriend again because one more second without her is unthinkable. He knows what he did wrong before and he was not going to make that same mistake again. This time, he would treat her right. This time, he will give her the love and attention she deserves. If she would only take him back.

He heard the lock of her apartment door click and his heart started beating out of his chest. This was it. This was his moment to let her know how important she was to him. That she wasn't a nuisance in his life, but rather the thing that keeps him sane.

The knob turned slowly and the door swung open. "Sheldon, this isn't a good time…" She said, confused as to why he was here. They needed to talk, but not while Dave was in her apartment. Maybe he can come back later. "I don't care," He started. He needed to get this out before he loses his nerve. He explained to her about the earworm and how he realized the song was about her, but before he could finish, something had moved into his line of vision. Or rather… someone. He froze, eyes locked on the man standing in Amy's apartment, who was currently putting a shirt on. Why was this man shirtless in the first place, and what was he doing in her apartment? That was when he paid more attention to how SHE looked: hair a mess, skin slightly flushed, and she was wearing only a robe. Not to mention, her eyes... were filled with shame. What does this mean? A man getting dressed in her home late at night, seemingly emerging in the direction of her bedroom, and she was wearing nothing but a robe? What does this mean?

His eyes widened. It's not possible. She wouldn't do such a thing. She woundn't.

"Sheldon, I can explain…" Amy said, her voice cracking as she reached out to touch his arm. His heart sunk into the pit of his stomach, feeling like he just got punched. "No…" He whispered, taking a step back. "Please… tell me you didn't…"

Tears started welling up in her eyes, but she couldn't tell him that she didn't do what she did. She wasn't going to lie to him, he didn't deserve that. "No…" he said again, shaking his head. "How-how could you..?" His face was white as a ghost, and his heart was racing wildly. How could the only woman he'd ever loved give herself to another man? He felt his chest constricting and it was getting harder and harder to breath. "Sheldon, I'm so sorry!" Amy cried as she covered her face with her hands. Tears were streaming down her face and she knew that things would never be the same again. That was all the confirmation he needed. He bolted out of there, running as fast as he could. He ran and ran, even when his heart was being squeezed in his chest, even when his eidetic memory would torture him with the image of his Amy standing there with that shame-filled look on her face and a half naked man behind her. He ran like his life depended on it.

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Sheldon stumbled into apartment 4A a few hours later. Leonard and penny got up immediately and rushed to his side. "What happened, buddy?" Leonard asked him, concern dripping from his voice. His best friend was breathing heavily, eyes puffy as though he had been crying for days, and shaking like a leaf. They helped him over to the couch so he could sit down. "Amy..." Sheldon whispered, trying to get the words out. "She… she… she was with a man." He started sobbing again, and the couple gave each other confused looks.

"Did you talk to her?" Penny asked, hoping that there was just a big misunderstanding. "She was WITH a man." Sheldon repeated, and Penny's eyes grew wide when she realized what he meant. Amy had slept with Dave Gibbs. _Oh, no…_ she though. This was her fault. She knew that Amy was on a date tonight. She could've texted her that Sheldon was on his way. Maybe that could've stopped Amy from doing something that she will regret for the rest of her life.

Sheldon cried for hours in Leonard and Penny's arms until his eyes were dried out and his body was weak. They helped him into his bed, hoping he would get some rest. Sleep did not come to him, though. His mind replaying the earlier events over and over and over and over. How was he was going to move on from this? This pain was a million times worse than when Amy broke up with him, and he struggled to get over that at the time. How was he going to live with the knowledge that Amy had sept with another man? He pounded his fist on his pillow and gritted his teeth. That she gave her body to him? That she let him touch her in such a way? He sunk his fists into his hair. How was he going to face her when he sees her at work? Or worse, if she continues her friendships with his friends… How will he continue living? There was no one else in this world for him. It was just her. She was supposed to be his other half, the woman that made him whole, the one that stole his heart and never gave it back. Now she was someone else's? He clutched his chest angrily. He had never felt such pain in his entire life.

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 **UPDATE: I've had quite a few people asking about what happens next... This scenario was just meant to be a oneshot, so not sure if there will be a continuation. Sorry guys!**

 **UPDATE 2: Clearly I've changed my mind... More to come for this story.**


	2. Chapter 2

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Will they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

 **UPDATE: I've decided to continue this story. There were too many thoughts in my head to not give it a proper finish. Might be a few chapters long, but nothing crazy. Thank you to the reviews and those who wanted a continuation. I hope you enjoy.**

 **UPDATE 2: A few chapters my ass. This damn story is getting long. lol**

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 _He sunk his fists into his hair. How was he going to face her when he sees her at work? Or worse, if she continues her friendships with his friends… How will he continue living? There was no one else in this world for him. It was just her. She was supposed to be his other half, the woman that made him whole, the one that stole his heart and never gave it back. Now she was someone else's? He clutched his chest angrily. He had never felt such pain in his entire life._

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Chapter 2: Back to work

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were chirping happily, the temperature was absolutely perfect, and the sky was clear and blue. Sheldon yanked his curtains shut, preferring the dark and dreadful ambiance of his room. Vacuous nature. Didn't the world know that there was no such thing as a beautiful day? No, every day was anguish. Every day was a reminder that he lived a pointless life. Why even wake up? Why? What was the point?

He heard a soft knock on his door and sighed. It was Leonard again, he was sure. It was always Leonard. Every single day for the past two weeks, his roommate would bring him breakfast and dinner. Every single day for the past two weeks, Sheldon would tell him not to bother. Every single day for the past two weeks, he would eat the food begrudgingly, knowing his body needed nutrition and he would curse himself for needing anything. The vulnerability of the human form was disadvantageous. Nothing you ever needed would need you back. That's just not how it works.

He walked over to the door and opened it, prepared to give his spiel about not needing anyone's care. But it wasn't Leonard this time. It was Penny. His eyes softened, but he didn't invite her in. "Sheldon, I just wanted to check on you." Penny started, "Were all getting really worried… Leonard wanted to call your mom-" "You will do no such thing!" He interrupted. "I am a grown man, I do not need my mother meddling in my business." Penny touched his arm to convey her understanding, he didn't move away. "I know, Sheldon. That's what I told Leonard. That you need to work out your feeling on your own… We just don't like seeing you like this." His fists balled up by his sides. He didn't need anyone to feel pity for him. The world did not take pity on him. "Like what?" He spat out. "See me like what?" "Like this, Sheldon!" Penny flailed her arms in front of him for emphasis. "You're angry all the time, you don't want to leave your room, you push everyone away, and… I know you think we don't know… but we hear you cry at night. Every night." She was starting to tear up as well, she can't stand having one of her closest friends in this kind of pain and not being able to help. He looked away, wanting to deny her allegation but knowing she wouldn't believe any of it. He exhaled loudly. Slowly, his tough exterior was melting. He looked her in the eyes. "I don't know what to do, Penny." He admitted, his voice meek, looking more and more deflated by the second. "I… don't know how to live…" She pulled him into a hug and sobbed with him. "Sheldon, it's not the end of the world. You will get through this." She was lying. He knew she was lying. But he didn't feel like arguing.

"I can't go back to work. I don't want to see her. I might… I might…" Explode? Cause a scene? Hurt someone? He might… break down and cry? Or maybe it was all of the above? He wasn't sure. He was afraid to find out. Penny pulled away from the hug, but grabbed him by both arms. "You are Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. You don't get scared away from anything. If you see her, then pretend, Sheldon. Pretend like it doesn't bother you." He furrowed his brows in confusion. "Pretend?" He repeated, like the concept was completely foreign to him. "Yes, Pretend. Don't let her see the pain. She doesn't deserve to see it."

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Amy slunk down in her couch. Each day at work was torment. Each day, she wondered if she would see him walking by. Each day she'd walk passed his closed office door and contemplate knocking. She wanted to see him. She wanted to talk to him. To apologize for what she did. To hold him in her arms and beg for his forgiveness. But what she wanted was not what mattered. This was not the time for her to be selfish. She had done enough of that already. At some point, the information got back to her that Sheldon hadn't been to work. She wondered if he was hiding from her or just plain didn't want to see her. There was a difference. Hiding would indicate fear. The Latter would indicate disdain. She wasn't sure which one was worse. She wasn't sure if she wanted to find out.

It had been two weeks since that faithful day. When her life took a turn for the worst. She thought the most painful thing she ever had to endure was breaking up with Sheldon, but she was wrong. So very, very wrong. The most painful thing she ever had to live through was watching Sheldon's heart break into tiny little pieces right before her very eyes. Seeing the change in him from an innocent human being to one that was tainted with agony. She had never seen that look in his eyes, and she was wrenched by the fact that she put that look there.

Her life changed that day, too. She lost an entire group of friends. They took her in because of Sheldon, and some of them were willing to keep her even after the breakup, but it only made sense that they let her go when she crushed his heart. Not even Penny was willing to talk to her anymore. The last words they exchanged was through text when the blonde let her know that Sheldon was suffering from so much pain and that it would be best if they didn't hang out for a while. Amy did not dispute that. And now, here she was, lonelier than she's ever been. It was one thing when you never knew what it was like to have friends. It was another to have experienced the life you always wanted, with a boyfriend, and a best friend, and more compadres than you though you would ever have, only for it all to be taken away due to your selfish tendencies. But here she was being selfish again. Agonizing over the life she lost. This was just the price she had to pay for thinking that she deserved more than she really did.

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Sheldon yanked his curtains closed once again, not wanting to see the radiant sunlight. Who keeps opening those anyway? Leonard most likely. Probably creeps into his room at night and opens them up with the hope that the sunlight would cheer him. He paced back and forth, contemplating Penny's words yesterday. Pretend. It was an appealing thought. Almost Vulcan-like. Do not let anyone see your emotions. He was surprised he didn't come up with it himself. Then again, he hasn't been able to think of much lately. His thoughts are consumed by Amy. The things she did. The things she might still be engaging in. He threw himself back onto the bed. No. Today, he will wipe himself of all emotion... or at least pretend to.

"Leonard, I'm ready to go." Sheldon's voice boomed through the apartment. Leonard practically jumped at the sound of it. He'd been getting used to the silence. He didn't enjoy the silence, but he was getting accustomed to it. "Go? Go where?" He was confused, and also surprised that his tall friend was standing in their kitchen for the first time in over two weeks. "To work, of course." Sheldon responded as if it was the most obvious answer. It was not. He hadn't been to work since that day. Leonard decided not to contend with his best friend. Going to work was a good sign. "Of course." He agreed. As though there was never any doubt.

Once at Cal Tech, Leonard walked Sheldon to his office. He still wasn't sure if leaving his friend alone at work was a good idea, but it was important that they take this step. For everyone' sake. "Leonard, I will be fine." Sheldon reassured, reading his mind, and walking over to his white board. "I will keep to my office and focus on my work." "Of course." Leonard mumbled. As though there was never any doubt.

The day went by very slowly. Who was he fooling? He wasn't getting any work done. He didn't even have a single idea in his head. Not one equation, not one solution. The great Dr. Cooper was a shell of the man he used to be. The one who was once consumed by science, was now consumed by emotions. Emotions that he promised himself he would never fall victim to. That seemed like a long time ago.

Throughout the day, people were stopping by his office to welcome him back. Raj, Howard, Bert, Dr. Wu… even Kripke showed up at one point. He thanked them for the kind words and waved them along, not needing the attention. In the back of his mind, he wondered if she would show herself. Surely, she had heard that he was back? He couldn't decide if he wanted her to see him or if he dreaded it. It was probably a mixture of both. But she never showed up. _How typical_ , he though. She didn't care about him so why would she?

Once the day was over, a feeling of relief washed over him. Maybe going back to work wasn't so bad after all? He made it through day one. He can do it again tomorrow.

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Amy was in her lab dissecting a brain when the news of Sheldon's return reverberated through the halls—literally. Everyone was talking about it like he was some celebrity in town to film a movie. There was also much speculation about why he took a break in the first place, none of which were correct to her relief. She decided that it was best if she didn't go to see him, or really that she didn't have the right. She had been selfish enough already. If he wanted to see her, he would do so, but she wouldn't push herself onto him. It pained her to know that he was only a building away and that if she wanted to she could cross the distance in 15 minutes, but again she was not going to. She didn't deserve to be in his presence.

She thought back to all the wonderful times they had at Cal Tech. That one time when he worked with her in the lab and she made him wash the dishes… he was absolutely adorable then. Or all those times when he would go out of his way to visit her in the lab when he didn't have to. He cared for her even when he couldn't say it through words. Or all the times they sat in the cafeteria having lunch together, the knowing looks they exchanged that everyone else was oblivious to. He connected with her like nobody else did. What about all the times outside of Cal Tech? Like all the social experiments they performed together. Those were the moments when he looked at her with wonder, thanking the universe that they were brought together. How about when she was sick and he took such good care of her? He hated touching people but he had no issue touching her. What about when she lied about being sick and he spanked her? They shared so many moments that no one else would have understood. They had their own world. They operated at their own frequency.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she reminisced. She would never be able to experience these things again. It was another price she had to pay for being selfish.

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 **Yikes, I thought I could get the story further than this, but I only got through one day. I guess the first step is the hardest. More to come. Don't be afraid to let me know how you feel about this fic.**


	3. Chapter 3

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Will they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

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 _She thought back to all the wonderful times they had… Like all the social experiments they performed together. Those were the moments when he looked at her with wonder, thanking the universe that they were brought together. How about when she was sick and he took such good care of her? He hated touching people but he had no issue touching her. What about when she lied about being sick and he spanked her? They shared so many moments that no one else would have understood. They had their own world. They operated at their own frequency._

 _A tear rolled down Amy's cheek as she reminisced. She would never be able to experience these things again. It was another price she had to pay for being selfish._

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chapter 3: Introspection

What is love? What does it mean? Take away all the clichés and verses from the bible, and really think about that word. What does love mean? It is often used as a representation of the feelings one person has for another, but if you look at it with a clear mind, you'll see that these are just two individual people just like any other set of two people. Is love some kind of unseen connection between the two, or is it more like an imaginary bond that people like to impose on themselves and others? Where is the line drawn into what is real and what is make believe? Who makes the rules? And what happens when you find an exception?

Going back into clichés, one can deduce that love gives someone the power to make you happy, and vice versa. It can evoke strong emotions of longing and warmth, of trust and joy, of affection and sweetness. However, reality will have you know, that there is no yin without yang. As such, love also gives someone the power to elicit strong emotions of isolation and coldness, of betrayal and pain, of animosity and bitterness. So what is the point of love? Why do people chase it as though it is the ultimate goal in life? Does the chance of being subjected to the positive completely nullify the negative? If so… why?

Sheldon spun around in his office chair. Is this what he has reduced himself to? Playing like a bored child? Still no equations, still no solutions, still no balance. The day started out so promising for him until one particular moment that had everything come crashing down. Again. Is this how his life will be now? Pieces being slowly put back into place only to be knocked down so easily. He closed his eyes, his eidetic memory bringing it all back into picture…

 _It was his third day back at work, and S_ _heldon walked through the parking lot self-assuredly. He will be productive today. He will concentrate as hard as he could to balance the equations he's been working on for months. He will focus all of his energy into the very first love of his life: Physics. He will NOT think about the woman who made him feel things he doesn't ever want to feel again—and he's not necessarily talking about the pain. He will not think about—_

" _Amy."_

 _The mere sound of her name escaping his lips sent shivers down his spine, as Sheldon nodded his head slightly in greeting, the corners of his mouth twitching at some unknown emotion. He was trying hard to present an aura of indifference. The truth was, he wanted to run far, far, away. He had been so lost in thought that he didn't realize he had walked straight up to her._

" _Sheldon."_

 _She took one glance at him and then lowered her gaze. How did she not know she was walking right into him until it was too late? They worked at opposite ends of the campus. It was almost guaranteed that they wouldn't run into each other, yet here they were._

" _It's good to see you." He lied. It was not good to see her. It was heart wrenching. He'd much rather get a root canal than be standing in front of her right now. "I trust you're doing well."_

" _I am." She lied, too. These were the times when you didn't speak the truth. Social convention dictates that you exchange niceties and go about your day, however rattled the interaction leaves you. "You look good."_

 _Sheldon stared at her for a while, studying her face. What else is there to say? So much, and nothing at all. How do you start?_

" _I'm going to be late." She spoke first, and began to walk away. She stopped after a few steps to glance back at him, still standing there with torment creeping its way onto his handsome face. She wanted to reach out and touch him. To make everything go back to the way it used to be, but there wasn't anything she could do. "Good bye, Sheldon." She whispered, knowing he could still hear her._

" _Good bye, Amy."_

Knock, Knock, knock. Sheldon got up from his seat to answer his door. Leonard greeted him with a kind smile. "Hey, buddy. I was just checking in on you. I saw you talking to Amy, earlier." Of course he did. They drove to work together and he was only walking a few feet ahead. "I'm fine." Sheldon said, his mouth twitching again. He was just full of lies today, wasn't he? "Sheldon, I know you're not fine." Leonard said factually, and his best friend's calm exterior deteriorated right in front of him. _Oh no._ Maybe he shouldn't have asked. "I said I'm fine." The lanky physicist stated a little bit louder than he intended. Leonard took a step forward, wanting to hug Sheldon, but deciding against it. "Okay, buddy. I'm here if you ever need to talk."

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Amy stared at the article on her computer screen. She had been reading the same line over and over again for the past 20 minutes. Clearly, she wasn't going to be able to concentrate today. Seeing Sheldon just threw her for a loop. She thought things were getting easier for her until that one little moment that took her right back to the very bottom of the emotional spectrum. She would have to climb her way back up again.

When she first met Sheldon, they were both rigid in their ways. Somehow, over time, each of them made shifts in their very existence in order to accommodate the other. They both climbed the emotional spectrum together. She smiled at the irony of that. Here they were, both at the bottom again. Would they climb together again, too? Or would they make the scale apart this time?

She thought about all the monumental points in their relationship. The time when he asked her to be his girlfriend. When she was out on a date with Stuart, but he couldn't stand the thought of her being with another man. That he found it repellent. He sat next to her in that movie theatre and didn't leave until she agreed to be his, and then waited for her in her apartment so he could present the relationship agreement. It was the most romantic thing she had ever experienced at the time. Then, of course, there was the first time Sheldon ever kissed her. On that vintage train to Napa Valley, when he lunged at her out of spite, but got lost in the feel of their lips colliding. He placed his hands on her hips and moved himself closer. She had never felt more love for him than in that moment. And that was the first time he looked at her as though he finally understood why he needed her to be his girlfriend. They shared many kisses after that, starting off awkward, but each one getting better with experience.

The night of their fifth anniversary, they shared a kiss that moved the Earth from under her feet, and then he even leaned in for another. That was a big deal for Sheldon. It meant that he enjoyed kissing her and wanted more, but she didn't see it at the time. She was so focused on the fact that he brought up that stupid Flash TV show. She got distracted by it and zoned in on it for reasons that she could no longer understand. She accused him of only being able to give her a distracted make out session on the couch, when in reality their relationship had overcome so much more. That year alone, they had their first sleepover in the fort (the fun they had that night was insurmountable), and it was also the year that he finally declared his love for her—catching her completely off guard, and taking her breath away—before going off to "Prom." So why had she focused so much on the TV show? She had gotten so much from him already. More than she ever thought possible, really.

She should have known that Sheldon's mind never stopped. That thoughts swirled in his head at all time. Thoughts of string theory and dark matter, of schedules and plans, of comic books and TV shows. It didn't mean that he wasn't enjoying their evening together or that he was distracted in any way. If anyone was good at multi-tasking, it was him. He could kiss her and think of so many things at the same time. His mind knew no bounds. It was one of the things she loved about him.

Amy sighed with despair. What had she been trying to accomplish by breaking up with him? Was she trying to make him jealous? To get him to treasure her presence? To make him change for her? Hadn't he changed enough? Was she trying to be too controlling of him? Expecting him to be a "normal" boyfriend? Expecting him not to do certain things at certain times? She knew now that Sheldon will never be a "normal" boyfriend. To her or to anyone. But that's what made him so great. That's what made their relationship so great. That it was different. That it was tailor made just for the two of them. That they weren't just two individual people just like any other set of two people. They were Sheldon and Amy. A pair that never existed before them and will never exist again after them. They were unique and distinctive, and she appreciates that now. Their love was one of a kind.

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So what was real and what was make believe? Logically, Sheldon knew that love did not exist in the heart, it existed in the brain. It was a series of chemicals that induce responses within an individual, all leading up to feelings of attachment and familiarity. Evolutionarily, there might even be a basis for love. Feeling a strong connection to an individual might drive you to defend and protect them, which helps keep your species alive. Outside of science, he really didn't have a good grasp on the subject at all. The only thing he had to fall back on was the clichés you see on TV and the verses often quoted from the bible during weddings. If they were to be seen as some kind of rule, then he can surmise that what he feels for Amy really is love.

He thought back on all the pivotal moments of their relationship. The day they met at that coffee shop, Howard and Raj blackmailed him with a hidden dirty sock. Little did he know, the most astonishing woman was about to enter his life. He walked into that café prepared to give his two friends a look of haughty derision until she approached to him, introduced herself, and shared his aversion to soiled hosiery. That was point one for Amy Farah Fowler. She then spoke about not being opposed to the idea of a deity, but being baffled by the notion of one who takes attendance. Point two for Amy. All that aside, the icing on the proverbial cake was when she declared all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus off the table. He couldn't hold it in, he had to buy her a beverage. He had to get to know her more. And get to know her he did. She blew him away at every turn. He distinctly remembers one particular night. He went over to her apartment for their monthly dates, and she announced that there was an experiment she would like to conduct. One that would increase his feelings for her at an accelerated time frame. He scoffed at the idea but agreed nonetheless, and he was left astounded by the affection he felt for her. That vixen. After that, he found himself thinking about her at random times.

Looking at all their experiences together with vivid detail, none of them compare to the night he kissed her on a train. The fury that was coursing through him because she tried to trick him into a romantic weekend. The moment in which he lost all trace of thought and hurled himself forward in an attempt to make a point. The only point he got that day was the realization that kissing Amy was the single most pleasurable thing he had ever done. And that's saying a lot after having a nine-fingered banjo player perform for you. He remembered wondering what was happening. Their lips touched and then his anger was gone. He stood there, connected to her on a physical level, and all kinds of feelings coursed through his veins. Then it was as if he became a mere observer in the situation. His body took over and he stepped closer to her, then held on to her hips. He kissed her like he was trying to send some sort of signal. 'It's not just you, Amy. I feel it too.'

But she broke up with him a year later, an event that he found difficult to understand at the time. Now he knows that all Amy really wanted was for him to continue to send that signal. 'I feel it too,' and talking about a TV show in the middle of a make out session does not send that signal. No, it projects quite the opposite. It made her feel like he was distracted, that his focus was not fully hers. If he had a chance to do things over again, he would have shut his mouth and continued kissing her. He would've given her the attention that she deserved.

It's too late for that now. Not only was she done with him, but she had moved on to another man. How could he blame her? This man probably gave her everything that he couldn't. No, everything that he wouldn't, because he could have if he just wasn't so darn scared. Why was he so scared? Why didn't he open himself to her the way that she did for him? Why didn't he welcome all of the emotions instead of pretending like he didn't experience them, too? What was he trying to accomplish by keeping her in dark? The fear was completely unnecessary, because losing her was much, much scarier than having to show any kind of emotion. She was the only woman he ever will feel these emotions for. She was tailor made for him. The exception to his every rule.

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 **Sorry for the lack of dialogue in this chapter, but it was focused on their internal struggle to come to terms with their feelings and their mistakes. It was important to show that they both felt responsible for the breakup instead of blaming it on the other.**

 **The next chapter is going to be juicy, just a fair warning.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this. Again, don't be afraid to let me know how you feel about it.**


	4. Chapter 4

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Will they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

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 _The fear was completely unnecessary, because losing her was much, much scarier than having to show any kind of emotion. She was the only woman he ever will have these feelings for. She was tailor made just for him. The exception to his every rule._

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Chapter 4: Taking action

Moving on.

What does one do to move on? It seems as though there was always a lot of hoopla surrounding finding a partner and falling in love, but no one ever talks about what happens when everything falls apart. Of course, there are jokes about finding a new partner to forget that one you lost, but let's get serious for a moment. How do you really move on from a love so great, you thought it would consume you? How do you ignore the gnawing feeling deep within your gut telling you that you made a mistake? How do you erase the future you had already mapped out? The future you were so sure would one day be your present. The future that is now clouded with a little something called reality. Because, like it or not, time will still continue to move you forward. Even if it's not in the direction you had hoped for not too long ago.

Everything was going great! Or at least that's what Amy liked to tell herself. To convince herself. The power of possitive thinking, right? Her days were filled with work and… well, she wished she could finish that sentence, but she didn't have anything else in her life to do. No social life, no out-of-home hobbies, nothing. She would come home every day, sit on her couch and wonder what was next. Not just for any given day, but for the rest of her life. What was next?

A bleep from her phone snapped her out of sulking. It was a text. She felt a shot of excitement go through her body as she started to wonder who could be texting her. Penny? Bernadette? Sheldon? Her heart started pounding at that last thought, and she reached for her phone, almost dropping it due to the nerves. She gripped it in both hands and took a deep breath, before drawing her courage and checking the message.

-'Good evening, Amy. I hope you had a wonderful day.'

Her heart rate increased after seeing the sender. _Oh no_. She completely forgot about Dave. She's been so consumed by self-abhorrence that he didn't even slip into her thoughts. Not for a single second. The last time they talked was over two weeks ago. How horrible of her to not even have any regard for him after everything. She started typing into her phone.

'Thank you. Please excuse my lack of communication these past weeks, I've been incredibly busy.'

That was a good enough response. It didn't seem too dismissive, did it? She hoped he wouldn't take offense by her basically saying that she was too busy to even send him a text message.

Beep.

-'No worries. I completely understand.'

She sighed at the knowledge that he was not mad at her. Or at the very least he was feigning indifference. _Well, that's that._ She though, happy to not have one more thing to worry about. She already had enough on her plate as it were. No need to worry about Dave.

Beep.

-'I would love to see you again some time.'

She stared at the screen, internally cursing her fortune. Apparently she was wrong.

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Amy checked herself in the bathroom mirror. Yesterday, Dave asked to see her again. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but decided she owed him at least some closure. She messaged him back that she was free for tonight, and he quickly confirmed that he was as well. So now here she was, getting ready for a date, wondering if Dave would understand what she was about to tell him. This was something she wasn't used to. How do you even start such a conversation?

She smoothed down her hair with her hands, feeling extremely nervous about the evening. The last time she saw Dave, they were quite occupied with certain activities. After Sheldon showed up at her door and things turned catastrophic, Amy and Dave parted ways with a lot of tension in the air. Most of it due the fact that she was crying uncontrollably. Although he offered to stay and care for her, she ask him to please leave her alone. Why he wanted to still see her after that, she wasnt sure... but he did, and she owed him an explanation.

With a long sigh, she pulled on her cardigan, stepped into her heals, and headed out the door.

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Today was just one of those days. Once of those days where things were bound to go wrong no matter what you do. You could spend your time and energy trying to avoid a certain situation and somehow it still ends up staring you in the face. An innocent walk could turn into a gut wrenching conversation. This is exactly why he had a routine. It keeps him from ending up in disconcerting situations. Sheldon knew better than to deviate from his routine, but today he did it anyway, and this is what he gets as punishment.

If he thought running into Amy in the parking lot was difficult, he was in for a real treat. Seeing Amy out on a date with that man from her apartment was the epitome of insufferable. It was downright paralyzing. How did he end up in this situation, you might ask? Because he deviated from his routine. Sheldon was walking home from the comic book store on a day that was not designated for it, when something made him look into the window of a restaurant he was passing. Two people having dinner immediately caught his eyes. It was clearly a private moment. Once he should not be an audience to. He urged his feet to move, but it was useless. He watched as Amy tucked her hair behind her ear and smile at the man sitting across from her. Then he watched as the man placed his hand on hers over the table. Something in that simple touch sent waves of emotion through his body. To say that rage was taking over him was an understatement. He had no right to feel it, but it was still there. Uncontrollable, just like every other emotion these days. And then, when Amy somehow looked right at him, his mind went completely blank.

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Dave was a complete gentleman, as always. He picked her up, opened doors for her, and made sure she took a bite of her food first before he took a bite of his. It was nice, but not necessary. "Again, I'm really sorry for not contacting you for two weeks. Time kind of just got away from me." She said, hoping her excuse was not too obvious. He smiled at her. "I know what that's like. It happens." He took a sip of his wine and broadened his shoulders. "I was really glad you agreed to meet me again."

She took a deep breath. Now was the time to let him know that she didn't think it was a good idea to keep seeing each other. That she was just not at a place in her life to do so. That he deserves someone who was not still getting over their ex. "Listen, Dave…" She began, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and smiling nervously. "I think it would be better if we…" He placed a hand over hers. "It's ok, I understand." He stated. "You're not ready for something serious. I just want you to know that I'm willing to wait. You don't have to push me out of your life." She looked at him with appreciation, glad that she didn't have to have a difficult discussion about this. "Thank you, Dave. I really apprecia—" She spotted something in the window. Is that Sheldon standing outside the restaurant? Oh my, it is. Their eyes met and she felt her heart flutter, and then she watched as he turned and walked right into the building. He was walking straight to them.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Sheldon Cooper." He introduced himself to Amy's date. "Dave Gibbs." Said the man, standing up and towering over him. "I'm a huge fan of your work." The admiration was clear in his voice. Sheldon simply looked irritated.

"Sheldon, what brings you here?" Amy asked, wanting to diffuse any awkwardness from the situation. He merely looked at her as though that was a stupid questions. She realized that it really was. He came inside because of her. Plain and simple. But now, he needed to go. To her terror, Dave decided to invite him to join them. She was going to argue about it, how this was not a good idea in any way, but Sheldon moved to sit next to her. She scooted over to give him more space. So near yet so far. And so incredibly uncomfortable. Luckily for her, she didn't have to talk to either of the men at her table, they were too busy talking to each other. Or really, Dave was asking Sheldon a lot of questions and Sheldon was just answering them, not showing much interest in Dave or his work.

"How did you two meet?" She suddenly heard Sheldon Cooper ask out of the blue. "We met online." Came the response and she saw the frown materialize on her ex's face. She saw the parallel of them meeting online as well, and could understand if Sheldon thought that that was their "thing."

After a few more minutes of awkward conversation, Dave excused himself from the table and made his way towards the restrooms. Sheldon then turned his attention to Amy, their knees brushing together as he did so. It was an excruciating experience to be sitting right next to the man you love with all your heart, but not being able to express that love the way that you wished you could. "Is this what you replace me with?" He asked, waving in the direction of Dave's empty seat, a hint of condescension in his voice. She got defensive right away. "Dave is a good man." She crossed her arms and furrowed her brows involuntarily. He looked away for a second and then brought his eyes back to her with such intensity, it seemed like he was looking into her soul, searching for answers. She shivered, but couldn't peel her eyes away from his either. "A good man? Why? Because he had no problem being intimate with you?" His voice took on an accusatory tone, and it only served to make Amy very angry. "Excuse me? What exactly are you trying to imply Dr. Cooper?" She felt her face getting red, and her body getting hot. How typical for Sheldon to insinuate that intimate contact was the only thing she was after. "It seemed to me that our relationship was going well. Then you break up with me and start seeing this Dave character. Did you only breakup with me so you could sow your wild oats?" His voice was getting high and loud, attracting the attention of a few other patrons in the restaurant. Amy was feeling completely humiliated. Her ex was quite literally slut shaming her. "No, Sheldon, I broke up with you because you're an ass! And I started seeing Dave because he is a good man!"

"What does this man have to offer, Amy? If not sexual satisfaction, then what is it that he can give you?" There was more to that question that he could not bring himself to say. What is it that he can give you... _that I can't?_ However, Amy didn't catch on to this. From her perspective, he was seriously asking what more she could get out of Dave aside from sexual satisfaction. It made her blood boil with fury. Did he really think she was that kind of woman? To only go after a man for sex? Before she knew it, her hand was making contact with his cheek. She gasped and withdrew her arms as fast as she could, clasping both hands to her chest. Sheldon was stunned. They stared at each other in silence for a few long, painful moments.

"A good man." He repeated her earlier words, running them through his head and processing them. "I guess I just was not good enough." It came out very softly, but the strain in his voice said so much more than his words ever could. Amy was caught off guard by his vulnerability, and she reached out to touch his shoulder. Sheldon abruptly stood up, looking away from the table. "I think it's time for me to go." And he walked right out of that restaurant, just as quickly as he walked in.

Amy was dumbfounded at the exchange that just occurred. The nerve of Sheldon to say the things he said as though he didn't know her better than that. Five years they spent together, and she finds out he thinks so little of her. It was outrageous.

Dave returned to the table visibly disappointed by the lack of one brilliant physicist. "He had to go." Amy informed him, and he nodded in understanding. They continued the rest of their dinner in silence.

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What had gotten into him? Well, jealousy was the only logical answer. It was incredibly difficult to watch her sit there with that man. To let him hold her hand like that. So he strolled in, without thinking, just to separate their appendages. Well, at least it worked. Even if did make him feel even worse than he did before. Sheldon felt like a fool. Here he was thinking about all the things he could have done to keep Amy Farah Fowler in his life, and she replaces him with a knock off. A fan of his work. And then she goes and meets him in the same way that they met: Online. Was she trying to replicate her results? Did she not know that there was only one Sheldon Lee Cooper in this world? His hands balled into fists.

According to Amy, Dave Gibbs was a good man. Dave Gibbs was good enough for Amy. Sheldon was not good enough for Amy. Simple deductive reasoning would conclude that Sheldon was not a good man. He sighed. Is that what Amy thought of him? That he was not a good man? She did say that he was an "ass." And then she slapped him in the face. You don't slap someone that you think is a good man. He rubbed his sore cheek, still not quite believing what just happened. All he wanted was to get some answers. To know if Amy left him because she wasn't getting the physical attention that she needed. Somehow, during the exchange, he managed to offend her. He wasn't sure how or why, but that much was certain. Will he ever find out the truth? Did Amy leave him because of what he couldn't give her? Did Amy only settle for him until she found someone suitable enough? Did she ever really love him? How much of a fool had he been this whole time?

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The days seemed to run into each other. Sheldon stopped caring about tracking the days of the week. It was hard to remember if it was Monday or Wednesday, if it was Thai food night or anything can happen Thursday. He took his cues from Leonard who was keeping up with their schedule flawlessly. On weekends, Leonard would tell him to sleep in. On week days, Leonard would rush them both out the door for work. For dinner, Leonard would make sure everything was in order. The proper meal for each specific day, the correct condiments for said meals, even the proper utensils. He really should be more appreciative of his roommate. Then again, Leonard could be switching meals around for different days and he would be none the wiser.

As time went on, Sheldon slowly fell into a new routine. Wake up, eat breakfast, work for a few hours, eat lunch, work some more, go home. Repeat. There was no time for distraction. Distractions simply brought his mind back to Amy, and that is something he did not want. Because thinking about Amy meant thinking about what Amy might be doing, and who she might be doing it with. Those were not thought he wanted to tackle. But thinking of her is not as bad as seeing her. Which is why, unike last time, he was going to stick to his routine. Every single day at work, he would dread running into her again. He kept to his office throughout the day, even eating his lunch in there so as not to increase the probability of such a situation. Even though in the back of his mind, all he really wanted was to see her. To turn back time to before they broke up, so she wouldn't be tainted by another man's touch. Then he would take the chance to do what he should have done in the first place. Ask Amy to be his wife.

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Amy slouched into her couch, thankful for another uneventful day. She used to hate uneventful days, but now she prays for them. It was so much easier to go through the motions than it was to face uncertainty. The last time she had an eventful day, she ended up slapping the man she loved after he implied that she left him so that she could have sex with other men. She had enough "excitement" to last her a lifetime. Uneventful days are welcomed with open arms.

She turned on the TV, hoping to find something good to watch. What else was she going to do with her time? It's not like she had friends to hang out with. Although, girls' night would have been great right about now. She sighed as she changed the channels, trying to find something suitable. She missed Penny and Bernadette. Heck, she even missed Howard, Raj, and Leonard. But most especially, she missed Sheldon. All his quirks and all his mannerisms, everything that made him… him. She missed Sheldon so much, in fact, that she was now seeing him on TV? She blinked her eyes a few time when the she flipped to a channel with a particular program on it. She turned up the volume and his distinctive voice filled the room. She was definitely not seeing things. Sheldon was actually on the TV.

She watched as he talked about the napkin that penny gave him, signed by Leonard Nimoy. How could she forget that he filmed this 'Spockumentary' a while back? She had been meaning to watch it, but just completely forgot. Well, it's a good thing she had nothing better to do than watch TV, or she would not have caught the program.

It was quite endearing to see him and hear him, without having to face any judgement from him as well. It was even better when he talked about something he was so passionate about such as his idol from Star Trek. She missed that passion. It was another thing she loved so much about him. Quickly, the conversation moved on to items in his little safety container. Amy couldn't help but smile as Sheldon talked about willing his Wil back to Wil. What a cute little exchange. Her heart swelled with so much emotions just seeing this man on TV.

"What's that ring box?" She heard Penny say, and Sheldon pulled out a small black box. Amy squinted to try and get a better look at it. _Ring box? No…_ He opened it up and she gasped. _No. No. NO._ This could not be reality. This had to be a dream.

"This is an engagement ring that I was going to give my girlfriend Amy."

"WHAT?!" She said, in time with the Penny on TV. She started feeling very dizzy. This was not a dream. This a nightmare, because reality cannot possibly be this cruel. Were the Gods playing some kind of sick, twisted joke on her? Hadn't she suffered enough pain for one lifetime? The constricting that she was feeling in her chest was hard to bear. It was as though her heart was beating so fast it might arrest at any second. She felt the tears pooling in her eyes. How could any of this be possible?

Sheldon had a ring for her, and apparently he had it before they even broke up. What had she done! Here she broke up with him because she didn't feel that he was committed enough in their relationship, but he was actually thinking about taking the ultimate form of commitment? He wanted to marry her. To make her his wife and spend the rest of their lives together. To spend their futures together.

Funny thing, the future. One small misstep in the past can alter it so greatly. And now she was looking at a completely different one than what could have been. A future that would have made her the happiest woman on Earth, instead of the miserable one she was now. She needed to make sense of all this. She needed to speak to her friends.

Picking up her phone, she threw caution to the wind and caled her best friend.

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 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Shout out to a few reviewers who called it a while back that Amy would find out about the ring. I'm still sad that she didn't find out about it that way on the show.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading, and as always, don't be afraid to let me know how you feel about this fic.**


	5. Chapter 5

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Will they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

 **This is a long chapter. Twice as long as any of the others. You have been warned.**

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 _Sheldon had a ring for her, and apparently he had it before they even broke up. What had she done! Here she broke up with him because she didn't feel that he was committed enough in their relationship, but he was actually thinking about taking the ultimate form of commitment? He wanted to marry her. To make her his wife and spend the rest of their lives together. To spend their futures together._

 _Funny thing, the future. One small misstep in the past can alter it so greatly. And now she was looking at a completely different one than what could have been. A future that would have made her the happiest woman on Earth, instead of the miserable one she was now. She needed to make sense of all this. She needed to speak to her friends._

 _Picking up her phone, she threw caution to the wind and called her best friend._

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Chapter 5: The truth

Reality is such a deceitful word. In implies a certainty that rises above all others, presents itself as fact and not fiction, and is grounded in actuality that it is hard not to believe it's truth. But how accurate is it? What if reality is actually subjective? What if your reality is not accurate at all? What if the knowledge you possess that dictates your reality was skewed all along? What are you left with then?

Penny was relaxing on the sofa snuggled in Leonard's arms, with a beer in hand when her phone started ringing. She looked at the screen and saw that it was Amy. She hadn't talked to her bestie in a while. It was difficult for her, but she just knew that if Sheldon found out Penny was talking to his ex, it would make thing a lot harder for him. Now that it has been a month, she supposed that it was a decent time to resume communication. Sheldon did seem to be falling into a new routine, and didn't really bring up the breakup or the event that had him crying in their arms that night. She took a swig of her beer and answered the phone.

"Hi Ames, is everything ok?" Surely there was a reason Amy was reaching out to her at this moment.

"He had a ring for me?" Amy asked incredulously, but somehow Penny knew that Amy already had the answer. She could hear the panic in the brunette's voice. This was a delicate subject. Definitely not one to discuss over the phone. No, this was the type of thing that you analyzed with your friends in close proximity, because chances are she would end up in tears at the end of the night… and she would need their shoulders to cry on.

"Why don't you come over and we can have a girls' night? I'll call Bernadette." Penny suggested, and she heard Amy sigh on the other end. Out of relief or out of irritation, she wasn't sure.

"Okay. I'll be there in 15 minutes." The brunette said, and hung up.

Penny got up from Leonard's embrace and he looked at her with curiosity. "What's wrong?" He asked, wondering why a worried look was overtaking her beautiful face. He also wondered why she wasn't snuggle up to him like she should be. "Amy found out about the ring." She said simply, knowing that he understood the implications of that event. This doesn't just affect Amy, this affects Sheldon as well. If they were to dredge up this topic, he would surely fall apart again, and they were just now putting the last of his pieces back together. No one, not Sheldon or Leonard or Penny, wanted to start back at square one all over again. Leonard nodded his understanding, wheels turning in his head as to how he will break this news to his roommate before Amy does. He needs to be prepared, not caught off guard. "I invited her over for girl's night." Penny said, standing up and walking to the door. "I'll let you know how it goes." She opened the door and was greeted by a startled Genius. "Oh, hello Sheldon." She stammered, averting her eyes. She'll let Leonard handle breaking the news to him, she already had enough on her plate with Amy coming over. "I'll see ya!" She quickly said, then dashed over to her apartment.

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Amy rushed to get her cardigan on before grabbing her keys and heading out the door. She was glad she didn't have to deal with this situation alone, and that Penny was so open to answering her phone call and meeting with her. She hoped that Bernadette would be willing as well. Being with her friends is exactly what she needed right now. She was able to get through the last month without them, but this was a completely different ball game. This was the kind of reality shattering knowledge that she had no clue how to handle. She still couldn't believe the new information that was tossed at her just a few minutes ago. Sheldon had a ring. One that he was thinking about giving her.

The whole drive there, it was all she could think about. What if she just talked to him? What if she begged him to take her back? Would he accept her into his arms? Would he give her the ring then? Or would that be forever taken off the table? She sighed heavily, admonishing herself. Here she was being selfish again. She finds out that Sheldon wanted to propose to her, so she focuses on trying to get back together with him so she can sink her claws into that ring? What about Sheldon? What about his feelings on the matter? Why would she be ok with subjecting him to more possible pain in the hopes that she could get her way? She really needed to stop thinking about herself so much.

Once she made it to Penny's building, she swiftly got out of the car and glanced around, then inwardly kicked herself for it. As if Sheldon would be standing outside the building ready to spy on her. She made her way up the stairs and paused once she got to the fourth floor landing. It was all too familiar, she'd been here so many times. Suddenly, everything was moving in slow motion, her muscle memory compelling her to walk up to 4A and raise her hand slowly to knock on the door.

"Amy, what are you doing?" Penny half whispered from across the hall, effectively snapping her out of her trance. She nearly ran into her best friend's apartment in fear of Sheldon hearing her through the walls. Penny closed the door behind them, with Bernadette already inside. Once they were all situated in the living room with their glasses of wine—save for the pregnant microbiologist—Penny decided to open the conversation. "So… How did you find out about the ring?" She asked curiously. No one else had known about it other than Leonard and Wil Wheaton, and she knew that neither of them spilled the beans. Bernadette didn't flinch, and Amy surmised that Penny must have brought her up to speed.

"I saw that spockumentary thing on TV earlier." She explained and the tall blonde nodded. She couldn't believe that they didn't edit those scenes out. "How are you feeling?" Bernadette asked in her high pitch voice, surprised that Amy was holding herself together so well. And it was as though she opened up the flood gates. Amy started hysterically crying, all the tears she'd been holding back for weeks finally spilling over. She couldn't control any of it, she just knew that leaving Sheldon was the biggest mistake she had ever made in her entire life.

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Sheldon opened the front door to his apartment, certain that he heard sounds coming from the other side. He was greeted by silence. Perhaps he should get his ears checked if he was hearing things. After closing the door and shrugging to himself, he watched his roommate fidget on the couch like he needed to urinate. "What on Earth is going on with you?" He asked, and Leonard looked up at him with a pained expression. "Sit down, buddy. We need to talk." Said the shorter of the two. Sheldon obliged, but couldn't for the life of him figure out what Leonard needed to talk about. As far as he was concerned, life was slowly starting to make sense again. He was finally adjusting to life without Amy. Finally able to sleep soundly again. Oh Lord. He sincerely hoped this wouldn't have anything to do with her. He was done talking about Amy. Done thinking about her, dreaming about her, done analyzing what went wrong and how he could fix it. There was no use in any of it. He needed to move on.

"Listen Sheldon, This might be hard to hear, and I just want you to know that Penny and I are here for you. You don't have to face anything alone—" "Oh, just spit it out!" Sheldon demanded, growing incredibly impatient. What did he do now? Did he offend someone by accident? Did he say something he shouldn't have? It couldn't be that serious, could it?

Leonard exhaled nervously. He really did not want to see his best friend crumble to pieces again. He had enough of that already. As much as he forgets to show it, he cared about Sheldon like his very own brother. Watching him working through pain was harder than he ever thought possible. He had no desire to keep repeating the process over and over again. When was this madness going to end? It was like the breakup with Amy was a gift that kept on giving. "Amy knows about the ring." He said, defeated, bracing himself for the panic that was to emanate from the man sitting next to him. Instead, Sheldon nodded his head and simply said, "I see." That was it, no other response. "Now, if that was all, I'd like to get to bed. I have an early morning." The lanky physicist got up and walked away to his room, softly shutting his door.

Leonard was flabbergasted by Sheldon's lack of reaction. He expected atomic levels of manic hysteria. Instead he got cold and calm which, he had to admit, turned out to be much, much scarier.

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"Ames, please stop crying…" Bernadette said, holding the brunette in her arms. It had been ten minutes and her cries had finally slowed into silent weeping "I was so stupid." She said. "I ruined everything! What am I going to do now?" Penny rubbed her back and handed her a refilled glass of wine which she promptly gulped down. How many of those has she downed? Feeling a little better, or little more numbed depending on how you looked at it, she wiped the tears off her cheeks and offered her friends a sad smile. "Thank you for being here for me… I don't know how I would get through this without you guys." Both Penny and Bernadette nodded and declared their support for her current situation.

"I just thought that, after what happened with Sheldon… You guys would pick his side and never speak to me again." She looked down at her feet with fear. "Oh, Amy. We would never do that." Bernadette stated, simply. "Yeah, we just needed to focus on Sheldon for a bit because he was crushed. He needed us more that you did." Penny explained, hoping Amy would understand. "But, I needed friends too. I was also crushed." Amy confessed, and the two blondes wrapped her in a warm hug. Penny explained to her that they chose to help Sheldon cope with the situation because he was not good at handling emotional trauma already as it is, on top of the fact that he was complete blindsided by what happened. He was on his way to reconcile with Amy that night. "Everything that happened was brought on by decisions that YOU made, Amy. We figured that you weighed the pros and cons and that you were prepared to face the consequences of those actions." Amy felt resigned. Penny was right, in a way. She supposed that they focused on helping Sheldon cope because he was completely unprepared by everything. She, on the other hand, had a choice in the matter. She could've sent Dave home after dinner. She could have decided not to see anyone altogether. She chose the events of that night. She can't really blame anyone for thinking that she was fully aware of the possible repercussions and that she accepted them. The thing was, she really didn't think things through. She didn't weight the pros and cons as Penny though she would. She simply acted out of impulse and ended up hurting herself and the man she loved in the process.

"We're so sorry if you felt neglected, Amy. We should've checked on you." The shorter blonde said, giving Amy an apologetic smile. In all honesty, she was happy that Sheldon had friends who cared so much about him. It was comforting to know that he had shoulders to cry on and people to rely on. He didn't deserve any of the pain he was feeling, whereas she had brought it all upon herself.

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Sheldon paced around in his room, freshly showered and dressed in his Thursday Pajamas. Leonard had lain them out on his bed while he was in the bathroom, knowing sticking to a routine would help to keep him calm. It didn't help though, he did not feel calm. His entire body was vibrating with an intense feeling that he could not recognize. Apprehension? Anxiety? Fear? How was he supposed to sleep knowing that Amy knew about the ring? This was not something he planned. In fact, he hoped she would never find out. It was yet another reminder that he had prepared to give his entire heart and soul to her. Another reminder that he loved her so deeply, he was willing to change his life for her. Worst of all it was just another reminder that he never got to do any of it. The opportunity was yanked away from him by a circumstance that he really did not want to think about. He rubbed his face vigorously. Why did this keep haunting him? When will enough be enough, and the world will take pity on what's left of his heart? Why did she have to find out about the tiny piece of jewelry that represented all of himself? Giving her that ring meant offering her his very existence.

He stopped in his tracks, a thought suddenly occurring to him. How did Leonard know that Amy found out? Penny must have told him. And how did Penny know? It could have only come straight from the source. And with such an important conversation, it was highly unlike Penny to not want to be a part of it, so why then was Leonard alone in the Living room this evening? His heart skipped a beat at the realization. Amy must be in Penny's apartment right this very moment. She is across the hall from him, a simple 30 seconds away, so what was he doing here when he could be talking to her instead? He yanked his door open and strode out into the living room, making his way to the front door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going?" Leonard asked, jumping in to block his path. "Amy is across the hall." Sheldon stated plainly, as though that was explanation enough, but Leonard did not move out of his way. "I have to go see her." He added, trying to move past his friend. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" The bespectacled one questioned, really not wanting to witness an explosive fight tonight, nor did he think that's what Sheldon needed. "Leonard, I have to see her." Sheldon pleaded, and his friend finally relented, following him over to Penny's apartment. Sheldon stood there for a few moments before reaching up and knocking on her door, calling Penny's name with each knock. When no answer came, He pulled out his spare key and opened the door.

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Amy had consumed more wine than she should have, and the room was starting to spin. Still, she did not want to leave the company of the two women who were comforting her. She missed their presence so much, and it was clear with the way they were doting on her, that they missed her as well. Or they felt guilty for abandoning her, who knows. She was too drunk to really care. After confessing to Penny and Bernadette that she hadn't really thought things through with Dave, Amy let them know just how sorry she felt for her actions—and the consequences they brought on.

"Can I ask you a question Amy?" Penny started, but didn't allow her enough time to give an affirmative. "Why did you really break up with Sheldon?" The blonde was filling up their glasses again. She knew Amy felt that progress with Sheldon was very slow and that it must have been quite frustrating for her, but there had to be more to the story than that. Amy shook her head. She had been asking herself the same question. "I don't know." She answered truthfully. "I guess I just wanted him to see what it would be like to lose me. I wanted him to make changes for me. To be more… normal. To appreciate our date nights and not get distracted by other things." Bernadette nodded. "That's all understandable, Amy." But it was not, and Amy knew this now. "Not with Sheldon. He had already made so many accommodations for me. He already changed so much. More that he probably ever thought he would for a girl." The three ladies looked at each other with understanding. Sheldon had been so different five years ago. None of them ever thought he would even have a girlfriend, but he welcomed Amy into his life, and slowly they watch him fall in love with her and her with him.

"Amy, maybe there's still hope. Maybe if you just talked to him… Maybe you can work through this somehow." Penny said hopefully, knowing that there weren't any other two people in the world better suited for each other than Sheldon and Amy. "Maybe he can get over the fact that you slept with Dave."

"I didn't sleep with Dave…" Amy started, and the two blondes looked at her like she had three heads sprouting off her shoulders. "WHAT?!" They could have sworn that the whole reason Sheldon was so devastated was because he believed the love of his life gave herself to another man. "Well what the hell happened then?" Penny asked, wanting to know the whole story. Her own curiosity aside, it was important that they had the complete picture to base their advice on. Amy pressed two fingers to her temples, trying to recall that night. It wasn't something she wanted to do, but she knew she had to explain everything to her friends so they can help her make sense of it all. "Well, after a nice dinner in my apartment, we ended up talking on the couch. He kissed me and…"

 _As Dave's lips touched hers, she realized this might be her only chance at being with someone who would give her what she needs. Someone who won't take her for granted. Someone who won't be distracted by a TV show while making out with her. No… Dave's attention was all on her at this moment, and she relished the feeling of being the center of it._

 _He pulled her close to him, deepening the kiss, and she let him do so. Sheldon had never touched her in such a way; their kisses were always chaste. This was different, and it excited her in a way that she didn't think possible. She felt something she hadn't experienced before. She felt desired. And tonight, she would allow herself to be consumed by it._

 _He broke the kiss and held out his hand, urging her to take it. When she did, he got up and led her to the only bedroom. They both sat down on the bed and he leaned in to kiss her once more, it was not as tentative as before. This time, it was burning with passion and she could feel all of it. It was a new feeling, she had never been kissed that way by anyone. It made her feel light headed and high all at once. She lay back on to the mattress and took him down with her, wrapping her arms around his neck. They kissed that way for what felt like hours, but was realistically more like a few minutes. The wine she had with dinner must have lessened her inhibitions, because clothes were coming off and she had no reservation about any of it. His coat and tie flung to a chair, her cardigan tossed aside, his button up shirt crumpled in a corner, and her dress unbuttoned, slowly being slid down her legs. She was lost in a daze and she felt so alive._

 _He kissed down her neck, another touch she had never encountered before, and she moaned at the sensation of it. She placed her hands on his shoulders, having no idea what to do with them. He took this as an urge to move lower, and move lower he did. She gasped at the feel of his hot tongue slithering down her abdomen. This was all so overwhelming. The cold air on her skin, his hot breath between her legs, his warm hands creeping their way up her thighs. She sighed, closed her eyes, and thought of all the times she wished she would be in this very position with one Sheldon Cooper. That dream was never going to be a reality. His lips made contact with her most sensitive flesh through her lingerie, and she couldn't help but whimper and grind her hips in time with his ministrations. This right here, with Dave Gibbs, was as close as she would ever get to being wanted by a man. His tongue darted out, and she moaned again, how was he able to elicit such a response from her? How was her body's reactions so far removed from her control? When his fingers hooked into the waistband of her underwear, however, it was like a bucket of cold water being poured on her entire body, and panic set its way into her mind. She reached down to stop him._

" _Dave… I-I don't think I can do this…" She told him, feeling extremely guilty for letting it get this far. He immediate stopped and rolled off of her. "It's ok, Amy. I don't ever want you to feel rushed." He looked her in the eyes and saw the shame on her face. "Please don't feel bad. You don't owe me anything." She was so grateful that he wasn't angry at her for getting his hopes up like this. He was a gentleman, and that made it so much worse that she knew she would have to stop seeing him. She pulled up the covers and asked him to please stay a little bit longer, she owed him at least that. They both lay there, him wondering if he pushed her too far, her wondering if the entire evening had been a mistake, and time moved them along until he was snoring by her side._

"So, that's it?" Penny said, awestruck. That wasn't so bad after all. Not nearly as bad as Sheldon thought it was. How did he come to the conclusion that they had sex, anyway? "You have to tell him. You can't just let things go down the drain without giving him the full story." The brunette shook her head. "I don't know Penny. You didn't see the look in his eyes when he saw Dave in my Apartment. I don't think he would ever get over it." She had resigned herself to the fact that her future with Sheldon was a thing of the past. An alternate timeline that would never cross with hers again. "Okay listen. You're quite drunk tonight so you might not be thinking clearly," Bernadette started to say. "How about we shelf the topic for now, and revisit it tomorrow?" That sounded like as good a plan as any. "We're going to have a sleepover!" Penny declared, raising her glass, but Amy wasn't sure she liked that idea. "I don't want to risk running into Sheldon tomorrow." She stated and the three of them looked at each other for a solution. "How about we go to your place?" The petite blonde suggested, picking up her purse. The other two women nodded, and swayed their way out the door.

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Sheldon frowned at Penny's empty home. He was sure that the women were together, but he failed to think about where they were gathered. They could be anywhere. Amy's apartment, Bernadette's house, any bar in Pasadena. He closed the door, locking it, and turned to Leonard who was offering him a consoling smile. "I guess I'll have to wait to talk to her." He concluded, and then marched on back to his room.

Perhaps it was a good thing that he didn't see Amy tonight. He didn't even know what he would tell her. Organizing his thoughts would be a good plan, so that when they were face to face he would know what needed to be said and which questions he needed answers to. He should probably also think about whether it's a good idea to talk to her at all. What good could come of it? So she knew about the ring. Does it really make a difference? Does this knowledge somehow alter the reality of their situation? She still broke up with him. She still slept with Dave. And, as far as he could tell, she was still seeing Dave. So, was it really wise to hash it out about the ring? In truth, it only served to make him feel weaker. As if having the woman you love break up with you over a TV show wasn't humiliating enough. Now she also had to find out that we was thinking about proposing to her. It was indignity piled on top of more indignity, none of which he really deserved. So much for life finally making sense again. So much for being able to sleep soundly. Tonight he will be thinking of nothing else but the woman he loved. Tonight was going to be another sleepless night.

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 **I'm not sure if I should change the rating on this fic. I'm a bit foggy on where the line is drawn between T and M, so if anyone knows, please tell me!**


	6. Chapter 6

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Will they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

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 _Perhaps it was a good thing that he didn't see Amy tonight. He didn't even know what he would tell her. Organizing his thoughts would be a good plan, so that when they were face to face he would know what needed to be said and which questions he needed answers to. He should probably also think about whether it's a good idea to talk to her at all. What good could come of it? So she knew about the ring. Does it really make a difference? Does this knowledge somehow alter the reality of their situation? She still broke up with him. She still slept with Dave. And, as far as he could tell, she was still seeing Dave. So, was it really wise to hash it out about the ring? In truth, it only served to make him feel weaker. As if having the woman you love break up with you over a TV show wasn't humiliating enough. Now she also had to find out that we was thinking about proposing to her. It was indignity piled on top of more indignity, none of which he really deserved. So much for life finally making sense again. So much for being able to sleep soundly. Tonight he will be thinking of nothing else but the woman he loved. Tonight was going to be another sleepless night._

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Chapter 6: Disbelief

The mind is capable of so many things. Able to calculate depth in fractions of seconds, process stimuli quickly and efficiently, and even able come to conclusions with very few details. It runs whether you are awake or sleeping, monitoring every single part of your body. It keeps your lungs breathing, your heart beating, and maintains all metabolic functions that keep you alive. The mind is the greatest organ in your body, but even through all its magnificence… it is also capable of being deceived.

Amy lay in bed listening to her alarm clock go off. The sound was downright irritating, but she couldn't bring herself to roll over and turn it off. It had been five days since she discovered that he had a ring for her, and Sheldon had been avoiding her like the plague. At first, she thought it might just be a coincidence that every time she went to his office, he wasn't there. But a few days in, she realized he was avoiding her on purpose. He did not eat lunch at his usual time or even leave work when he usually did. He had changed his entire schedule just to make sure they did not run into each other, or more accurately, that she did not find him.

Yesterday, she actually went to his apartment so that he would have no escape. To her dismay, he was not home. Leonard merely said that Sheldon left in a rush and had no idea where he had gone off to. If she was a paranoid person, she might think that he bugged her phone or something in order to evade her. Actually, she was starting to get really suspicious of that being the case. At any rate, she did not feel like going to work today. What was the point, it's not like she could focus on her job anyway. She sighed, but decided to get out of bed and get ready for work. She can't let Sheldon get to her anymore. Anymore that he already has, that is.

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He took a peak out of his door before slowly stepping out into the hallway. Avoiding Amy was getting harder and harder every day. He never knew when she was going to come down to his office to talk to him about the stupid ring, so he made a point to leave his office randomly throughout the day in order to throw her off. Lunch was eaten in the telescope room, with Raj's permission. It has been five days, and he somehow managed to evade her, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could do this before she figured it all out. Yesterday, Leonard said she came to the apartment looking for him. It was a good thing he decided to start leaving the apartment at random times as well. He sighed not sure of what he was really fearing. He knew that the ring changed nothing, yet her knowing about it made things so much more complicated somehow. As though it made him more vulnerable than before. Like she somehow has the upper hand now.

As he walked down the hall towards the elevators, lunch in hand, a woman turned the corner and bumped into him, sending his lunch flying out of his grasp and onto the concrete floors. "Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry-" The woman stated, looking flustered. She took a second look at him and realized he looked familiar. "-Dr. Cooper?" Sheldon was busy mourning the loss of his spaghetti with little hotdogs cut up in it to realize that the he'd seen the woman before. When she said his name, he focused his attention on her, and his memory worked its magic to put name to face. "Vanessa Bennet." He stated, remembering how she had solved all his puzzles in that craigslist ad they posted. Her Sanskrit was remarkable.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, unable to believe that she just ran into the brilliant man who introduced her to the world of Klingon-Sanskrit translations. She had kicked herself for being late to his deadline and having the door shut in her face, but perhaps she could get to know him more now. "I should ask you the same question." He replied, knowing he'd never seen her walking the halls of Caltech before. "I work here." He added, to answer her question.

"I was here for a lecture that a friend of mine was conducting." She told him, happy to now know his place of employment. Perhaps she could visit her friend more often. "I see." He said, turning to walk away. Not knowing how to end this conversation, he simply uttered "I should be going."

"Wait." She implored, touching his arm lightly. He moved it, but stayed in place, looking at her expectantly. "Can I buy you lunch?" She asked, hoping for a chance to sit down and know more about this fascinating person. "It's the least I could do after causing you to drop your food." He seemed to consider this for a second, the look of concentration on his face making her smile. "Very well." He responded to her delight. "I suppose that would be acceptable."

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Amy was feeling extremely embarrassed. She actually got her phone checked for any type of tracking device or system, or some kind of hack that would let Sheldon Cooper know of her location. It seemed so plausible considering how well he had been able to avoid her. Now that she got the negative results, she was left feeling foolish. Why on Earth would her ex-boyfriend bug her phone? That's just ludicrous. And most of all, how exactly would he have gotten ahold of her device in the first place? She sighed. Maybe he wasn't avoiding her at all? Maybe she simply had bad luck in trying to locate him? Maybe it was all just coincidence?

As she walked her way to the cafeteria, she wondered why she wanted to see Sheldon anyway. To talk about the ring? What was there to talk about? She had no plans on begging for him to take her back or anything of the sort. It's not like the ring actually changed anything anyway. Perhaps it wasn't about the ring at all. Maybe Penny had been right. If she just explained to Sheldon what really happened, maybe he could forgive her. Maybe they could even be friends. And then, they could build something back up from that. Something stronger than before. Now that she realized her mistakes, now that she understood where she went wrong… maybe she could be the girlfriend Sheldon Cooper really needed instead of expecting him to be something he was not.

She rounded the corner to the lunchroom when the back of a familiar head came into view. It was Sheldon! She finally was able to catch him. As she walked further in the room though, she realized that someone else was at the table. Who was this gorgeous woman sitting across from him? She watched as the woman laughed at something Sheldon said and it made her feel extremely irritated. His quirky sense of humor was another thing she loved about him. She did not like the idea of another woman enjoying these things.

Did you want to know what the worst part was? It was not the fact that the entire gang seemed to be comfortable around her. Or the fact that they all included her in their conversation as though she was already part of their group. Or even the fact that no one else at the table seemed to be baffled by Sheldon focusing on this woman. No, the worst part was, from her angle of view, it seemed as though Sheldon cooper was actually flirting with her. The smile that he was giving her, the tilt of his head when the woman would smile back… that absolutely life-brightening smile. Amy was fuming. So this was why she couldn't get ahold of him, because he was seeing another woman. That's why he wasn't at home when she went over there. It's why he didn't have lunch at his normal hours. It all made sense now. Sheldon Cooper had changed his routines because he added someone into his life. Here she was hoping that they still had a future together when he's clearly already moved on. And upgraded too, it would seem. She sighed heavily, resisting the urge to confront him since she really had no right to, and spun around to go back to her lab… her heart feeling like it was being shredded into tiny little pieces.

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Vanessa Bennet was a remarkable woman. She shared his passion for flags and ancient languages, she had a smile that he found quite endearing, and her voice was soft and soothing. Something about it made him feel better, and that was definitely a welcome change. With the chaos that has controlled his mind lately, feeling soothed was exactly what he needed. As he walked back to his office after lunch, he was glad he decided to obtain her contact information. Who knows when that would come in handy?

Howard and Raj were quite surprised when he showed up to their lunch table. He wasn't sure if it was because he was actually eating lunch with them for the first time in five days, or because he brought her along with him. He figured it might be the latter, since after explaining that she was here for a lecture they seemed relax and incorporate her into their chatter. Leonard had a bit more questions to ask since he had never seen Vanessa before. She eloquently told the story about how they met, detailing each puzzle she had to solve and Leonard seemed amazed that a woman like her actually existed. He remember his best friend saying "good for you, Sheldon." Although he wasn't quite sure what that meant. Good for him for eating lunch at the table? Good for him for making good puzzles? Good for him that he managed another day without talking to Amy? Perhaps he will never know.

One thing was for certain in his mind. Talking to Amy was not an option. At least, not yet. The very idea of seeing her standing in front of him, close enough to touch, makes him feel all kind of anxious. She was still the woman who owned his heart. The woman he wanted to marry. Talking to her about the future that they no longer have together would simply break his heart. He did not want to dredge up topics such as the reason she broke up with him in the first place. Or what she and David did that night. Or what she thinks about the ring. All of those things would just bring up feeling he had been trying to suppress for over a month now. Great, just thinking about it was making his heart beat faster. Perhaps he would need soothing sooner rather than later.

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Amy wanted to be drunk in a bar with her friends, but after telling them about the stunning woman she saw with Sheldon in the cafeteria, they decided to have girls' night at Penny's instead. It would be better if they were in a quiet environment so she could tell them all the juicy details. There was a lot of disbelief with the situation. Was the woman really having lunch with them? Maybe she just got lost and somehow ended up at their table. Was Sheldon really engaging her with conversation? Maybe she was a toy train saleswoman. Was the group really welcoming her into their fold? Maybe she could get them all tickets to comic con. But Amy was sure this was not the case. No, it seemed as though her ex-boyfriend found himself someone new. Someone better suited for him.

"How could I compete with that?" Amy cried, taking another sip of her wine. "She was gorgeous, Penny. Maybe even more gorgeous than you!" Penny crumpled her face at that. "Oh sweetie, we still don't know what's really going on. Don't jump to conclusions just yet." Bernadette nodded in agreement. "Yeah, there's no way someone that gorgeous would be into Sheldon anyway." She said, earning a scowl from Amy. "I mean, it takes a very special kind of person to see past all his quirks." The petite blonde corrected. "You know what?" Bernie got up and walked to the door. "Maybe we should just go over there and ask." Amy got up as well. "But what if he's not home?" She asked, knowing he wasn't there the last time she tried to corner him. "It's D&D night. He's home." Penny reassured her, opening the door, and the three of them walked out into the hallway.

The sound of a bunch of nerds having fun was audible. They heard cheering and yelling, and it brought back memories for Amy. Memories of than one time the girls played Dungeons and Dragons with the boys and a love spell was cast on Sheldon and her characters. The resulting D&D "sex" they had in his room afterwards. If that wasn't an incredibly intimate moment, she didn't know what was. Feeling courageous due to the liquor she'd consumed, she strolled up to Apartment 4A and opened the door without bothering to knock.

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Silence. That was all that could be heard after the girls barged in to Sheldon and Leonard's home. The boys were frozen in their spots, not sure how they were supposed to feel. Guilty? Disloyal? Like a bunch of traitors? The women were immobilized from disbelief. There was a new player in the room, and she was sitting in Sheldon's spot.

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	7. Chapter 7

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Will they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

 **Here's a shiny new chapter. Do I get an award for updating so quickly?**

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 _Silence. That was all that could be heard after the girls barged in to Sheldon and Leonard's home. The boys were frozen in their spots, not sure how they were supposed to feel. Guilty? Disloyal? Like a bunch of traitors? The women were immobilized from disbelief. There was a new player in the room, and she was sitting in Sheldon's spot._

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chapter 7: Deceived

Amy was the first to move. She practically flew down the stairs in her haste to get out of there. She was humiliated, she was mortified, but most of all she was hurt. She wasn't sure which hurt her more. That the woman was sitting in Sheldon's spot or that he was nowhere to be seen. As though just leaving that girl alone with his friends was the most natural thing in the world. It tore Amy up. It took her a long time to become an accepted part of the group, she had to work really hard to get there and this woman was just worming her way in so easily, it was unbelievable. She could hear footsteps behind her, but she didn't bother to look back. More than likely, it was just Penny and Bernadette wanting to make sure she was fine. She had no desire to lie to them about how she was feeling, so she made it down the stairs and out the door in record time. She got into her car, and started driving. A few minutes in, she could barely see the road from the wave of hot tears streaming down her face. She pulled over and let them flow out, losing herself in the abounding strength of her despair.

How could he? How could he introduce a new woman to their group so soon after they broke up? She almost had to laugh at her hypocrisy, remembering that she started dating Dave a lot sooner. What a mistake that had been. If she didn't have a date with Dave that night, she would have never engaged in intimate acts with him, and Sheldon would not have been devastated when he came to ask her back as his girlfriend. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, but they were coming out faster than she could keep up with them. How would she have responded to Sheldon that night? Would she have turned him away? Would she have reminded him that she broke up with him for a reason? She was aware now of what an error separating with him was, but would she have known it then? She shook her head at the pain in her chest. What does it matter now? He was already dating someone else. Dwelling on the past was only going to keep her heart in a constant state of falling apart.

She took her time to cry out as much tears as she could… It took a while, but she finally felt as though all her pain was drying on her shirt, and then got back on the road and drove home. The sky seemed to have been showing solicitude with her and the rain poured down, just like her tears did moments before.

She pulled out her phone and texted Penny. "I'm leaving. Please don't try to stop me."

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Sheldon walked back into the living room after his bathroom break, ready to get back to the game. The first thing he noticed was Vanessa had sat down on his spot after her turn in the loo. "You're in my spot." He simply stated, and watched as she scooted over to her right. The second thing he noticed was that the room was filled with uncomfortable silence. That was rare. Usually silence was the most comforting environment. The third thing he noticed was that everyone was looking at him as though he just missed something crucial. "What?" He asked, but was met with more silence. He started to get a sense of dread from just how intense everybody's gaze was on him. "What?" He asked again, a little bit more urgent this time. In the background, he could hear footsteps coming up the stairs, or more accurately stomping up the stairs and waited with bated breath for what was to come.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He heard Penny say as soon as she got onto their floor. She continued stomping into the apartment, fury evident on her face. "Who is this woman?" She asked, stabbing a finger in Vanessa's direction. He took a step back from the sheer intensity of her anger, not sure why she was mad in the first place. 'That's Vanessa." He answered, not knowing what else to say. What was going on? He was so confused. "Maybe I should go…" He heard Vanessa mutter as she got up, and the others moved to get up as well. Around him, he could hear each person utter their excuse for leaving, but he was frozen in place by Penny's rage-filled gaze. "Who is she Sheldon?" the blonde asked, as though her name did not answer that question. "Is she your new girlfriend?" He blinked. New girlfriend? Why on Earth would he want a new girlfriend? "Is she Amy's replacement?" He seriously had no clue what Penny was talking about anymore. The woman was losing her mind. Was she drunk? "Who IS SHE?!" Penny demanded, stepping close enough that Sheldon feared she would hurt him. He swallowed hard and then spoke to preserve his life.

"Howard and Raj helped me place an ad on craigslist to find the perfect woman. We designed multiple puzzles, each one more difficult than the first, culminating in a riddle that would lead her to my address." He hoped this was explanation enough, but Penny only grew more outraged. "Perfect woman? PERFECT WOMAN?" She repeated, getting louder each time. "What, Amy wasn't good enough for you?" Amy? What did Amy have to do with any of this? Why did Penny keep bringing her up? "Amy broke up with me." He reminded her, his voice wavering at the mention of that event. Penny's demeanor changed at what he said, not knowing what had taken over her. He was right, Amy did break up with him. He had every right to see other people, but it didn't stop the fact that it would hurt her friend. She sighed. "I'm sorry Sheldon… It's just that when Amy saw Vanessa in your spot-" He closed his eyes at the sound of her name. Amy had been here? "-she was crushed and ran down the stairs. We couldn't stop her."

He felt himself getting hot. What right did Amy have to be crushed by Vanessa's presence? She was the one that moved on first. She was the one who started dating other people first. Having spent all his energy in removing her from his thoughts, why was she everywhere? She was all he saw, and all he could think about, she even invaded his dreams. "Why does she care?" He asked Penny, trying to reign in his emotions. "She slept with Dave, she clearly has moved on." Penny rolled her eyes at this. What a bunch of idiots the two of them have been. "She didn't sleep with Dave you dummy!" He took a deep, labored breath. She didn't sleep with Dave? The woman he loved never slept with Dave. He spent so much time avoiding her when she was trying to get ahold of him. Now she had come here to talk to him and what she found was another woman in his spot. He opened his eyes, fire filling them, and Penny knew what he was going to ask before he even opened his mouth. "Take me to her, Penny. Please."

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Dragging her feet as she walked, Amy pondered moving to a different city. Or a different state. Actually maybe moving to a different country wouldn't be so bad. A place where she can start over, and no one would have any idea how much of a fool she had been in Pasadena. Perhaps she could even meet a new "Sheldon Cooper" wherever she went. Maybe life wouldn't be so cruel to her somewhere else. She stopped outside of her door, taking in her surroundings. She would miss this place. There was a lot of memories in this building, in this hallway, inside her apartment.

She pulled out her keys, hearing their distinct jingle as she did so. She would miss that too. Whichever new place she moved to would have a different set of keys with their own distinctive sound. You don't realize all the things that make your day whole until you are about to leave it all behind. She decided that she would leave tonight, just pack her bags and take the first flight out of this forsaken city. She would call Caltech as soon as she lands and tender her resignation. Then she can face her life as though none of the past months ever happened. She can pretend that Sheldon Cooper never existed and that they did not have a love that moved mountains. A love that was unlike any other. No, in her new home, there would be no "Shamy," there would only be Amy. Amy and whatever life brings to her there.

It was time for her to let go.

It was time for her to move in.

It was time to say goodbye to everything that she ever loved.

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The drive over to her apartment seemed ten times longer than normal. The rain was coming down hard, mimicking the turmoil in his head. Time was moving by at a glacial pace, torturing him with images of Amy, hurting from the thought of him with someone else. How could she think that he would ever replace her? There was only one Amy Farah Fowler in the world. If he could not be with her, he would not be with anyone.

Penny pulled over by the side of Amy's building and he thanked her before rushing to get out of the car. There was nothing more he needed in life right now that to see Amy. To talk to her, to comfort her, to be in her presence. It didn't matter if she pushed him away or rejected him once more. If that's what she wanted he would respect her decision, but he needed to be with her for right now. Everything else he would deal with later.

He stood in front of her door, heart pounding in his chest. Nothing else mattered, he reminded himself, knocking on her door in rips of threes, calling her name after each series. When he didn't get an answer, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He'd "broken into" her apartment before, he could do it again. She would have to face him tonight. No more hiding and avoiding it was now or never. He opened her door and was greeted with emptiness. Where was she? Where could she be? How was he going to find her? His phone beeped with a text and he quickly checked to see who it was. It was a message from Penny.

"Amy is leaving Pasadena."

He placed his face in his hands and howled in pain.

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She raised the keys to her doorknob with shaking hands, but the door swung open before she could even position them in the keyhole. Her eyes adjusted to the chest in front of her, breathing heavily, wearing a familiar flash t-shirt. Her heart was drumming so loudly in her chest, she was sure it could be heard throughout the entire building. This was too much, her legs wasted to give out on her. She looked up and saw Sheldon's handsome face, eyes swollen from crying, a look of confusion and question in them… She imagined she didn't look much different. They gazed into each other's eyes, asking silent questions that they knew had to be spoken aloud, for what felt like hours. It could have been hours. She didn't understand what he was doing in her apartment, or why he looked like he had been crying. All she knew was that he was here now. They both took a deep breath.

"What took you so long?"

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 **Good Lord, the reviews… You are all just as bad as Amy. Lol**

 **I was going to end this chapter with Sheldon getting the text that Amy was leaving, but you guys would have probably hunted me down for that.**

 **Let's see where these turn of events take us.**


	8. Chapter 8

Descent into Madness

Summary: What would have happened if Sheldon didn't decipher the earworm when he did? What if he was an hour too late? Will they ever be able to get over what she did? Set around S09E10 earworm reverberation. A bit of angst.

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is owned by Chuck Lorre Productions and The Warner Brothers Studios

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Chapter 8: Letting go

Time. Many believe that it is linear. That no matter what you do, and no matter where you go, it will keep moving forward, tic by tic, second by second. It has no beginning and it has no end. It is constant throughout the universe, a force that cannot be halted. Yet there are some who also believe that time stands still in the heart of a black hole. That the sheer density of its gravity is strong enough to stop it. Nothing exists in the singularity. No thoughts, no feelings, no time. Everything is frozen in space.

That's what Sheldon and Amy were feeling right this very moment. The sheer gravity of their emotions freezing them in their place, the weight of their thoughts holding them still. It felt as though time stopped, and nothing existed around them. It was as though nothing has, and nothing ever will exist around them. It was only the two of them in the universe. In their universe. They were like binary stars. They revolved around each other.

"What took you so long?"

Sheldon was the first to speak, trepidation clear in his voice. He thought he had lost her. He thought she was gone. In some unknown place where he would never be able to see her again. He almost surrendered to that idea when he got penny's message, but his heart would not give in. He waited in her apartment, hoping beyond hope that she would come home. When he heard the jingle of her keys outside her door, he crossed the room so fast to greet her. The very sight of her in the hallway was enough to be still his heart.

She continued to look up at him in wonder. He wants to know what took her so long? She had parked on the side of the road, crying her heart out because of this very man in front of her. Because she crumbed from the knowledge that she would never be with Sheldon ever again. What was he doing here? Why did he come to see her? Didn't he have a new woman in his life? The anger was starting to seep into her mind again and she pushed passed him into her living room.

"What are you doing here, Sheldon?" She asked, not bothering to disguise her irritation. He closed the door and turned to look at her. Even when angry, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever been subjected to. "I came here for you." She scoffed at his words, going into the kitchen and heating up some water for her tea. She needed it. "You have a new girlfriend. I saw her. She was in your spot!" That was a sore spot for her, no pun intended. He never allowed her to sit there. He followed her into the kitchen, his eyes urging her to listen. "She's not my girlfriend, Amy-"

"-Yeah, that's what you said about me, too, back in the day." She cut him off, memories of their entire love story flooding her mind. Tears were starting to creep their way out again and she cursed them for revealing how vulnerable she was feeling. The sight was squeezing at his heart. "Amy, please…" He reached out to touch her, but she squirmed away. "No, Sheldon. I saw you two having lunch at work. And I saw her in your home hanging out with all your friends. All our friends!" The tears were streaming down again, making her feel utterly enraged. He had no right to see her like this. No right. She stormed to the door, yanked it open and motioned for him to go. "You need to leave. Now." He was unmoved in the kitchen. "No." His lack of cooperation only making her madder. "I said leave, Sheldon! Get out!" He still did not move. "And I said no. I'm not leaving. You are going to listen to me." He was a fool before, walking away without talking to her first. Making assumptions without knowing any facts. He would be damned if he walked out again without clearing everything up. He took the kettle off the stove and started making tea. So many days, she wished to have him back here in her home performing such mundane tasks. Here he was now, yet it was not at all what she wanted. She should be packing. She should be getting ready to leave Pasadena behind and forget about all this chaos. She should not be entertaining the thought of letting him talk to her. There's no way it could bring anything but pain.

He brought the tea to the living room, and set them down on the coffee table. "Please join me." He said in a calm voice. She closed the door and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. "Why are you doing this, Sheldon? Haven't you tortured me enough?" She asked, looking down at her hands. There wasn't anything he could possibly say to make her feel better.

So he didn't.

He scooted closer to her, crossing the distance between them in one swift motion, and did something he had been dreaming about for weeks now. He grabbed the back of her neck and crushed his lips to hers.

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Penny walked into 4A feeling agitated. She hoped her two friends could figure everything out, but they were both extremely stubborn, and both extremely hurt. That was not a productive combination. Not to mention the fact that, shortly after dropping Sheldon off at Amy' building, she received a text message from her brunette friend that she was leaving town. She wondered if Amy even went home to pack her bags, or if she just drove to the airport and left everything behind. Surely Sheldon would have texted her by now to pick him up if he never got to speak to Amy… right?

Leonard was sitting on the couch studying her, a tense look on his face. She knew he was worried about his roommate, but she didn't have any consoling information. She shook her head at his questioning gaze. "I don't know if they're going to fix this." She said, sitting down next to her husband. "I don't even know if they will ever see each other again." And she explained the text message to Leonard. He sighed. What was going to happen now? Will Sheldon be able to deal with this turn of events? Will he get on a train like he did before? What if he never comes back? "I hope they find each other." He said, pulling Penny in for a hug. "I hope… I hope they make things right."

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She wanted to resist him. She wanted to pull him closer. She wasted to tell him how angry she was. She wanted to feel more of him. She wanted to get answers. She wanted… She wasn't sure what she wanted anymore, her head was swimming with dopamine and oxytocin… her head was swimming with Sheldon. His lips on hers, his hands grasping her close to him, the way he tilted his head and parted her lips, the feel of their chests colliding. She was overruled by her love for him, it was hard to think straight, but she had to stop this. She placed her hands on his chest and weakly pushed. He slowly pulled away, but kept his eyes on her. There was a look in them that she was sure she's never seen before. It was a lack of control. It was giving in. It was letting go.

"You have someone new." She reminded him, breathing hard, glancing away. With the way he was looking at her, it was hard not to pull him back in again. He shook his head. "There is no one else. There has never been anyone else. There will never be anyone else." He moved his face closer to hers, making her body feel incredibly hot. "There is only you, Amy." He said, his words searing deep into her soul. He remained near, but still, waiting for her to close the gap this time. _Just a few inches._ She thought to herself, but resisted the urge. "Then what was she doing in your apartment? What was she doing in your spot?" He moved away again, feeling exasperated. How could she ever think he would let anyone sit in his spot, let alone some woman he barely even knew? "She just sat there, Amy. I made her move once I came out of the bathroom." He explained. "And I invited her to play D &D because… well… I found her voice to be quite soothing." Amy was feeling rage again at this confession and it was evident on her face. "She reminded me of you. Her voice reminded me of when you would try to comfort me. I didn't want to let go of that feeling." He continued, feeling extremely sheepish. Amy gasped at this. He missed her. He missed her so much that he would take anything that reminded him of her. "So you didn't… like her that way?" She questioned, needing confirmation. "God, no." He responded, as though the mere thought of it was preposterous. She nodded her head, happy to know he wasn't actually dating that woman. Still, there was something he needed to know. "Sheldon, about Dave… I'm not seeing him." She started, not sure which details were important. "And I never slept with him, I swear to you-"

"-I know." He interjected. "Penny told me." He smiled at her, a smile she hasn't seen in a long time. It was as though this very knowledge lifted a weight from his shoulders and she was overcome by waves of emotion. This man was everything to her. His smile was all she ever wanted to see. "Amy, if you want to be my girlfriend again, I really want to be your boyfriend." He stated, moving closer to her yet again. "I really want that, too." She replied, so incredibly happy that he still had faith in their relationship. "Good. Because I love you." He continued, taking her breath away. She could not contain the joy that was showing on her face. "I love you, too!"

No one had to tell the brilliant fool what to do next. He moved in and claimed her lips once more. This is what happiness means. This is what love means. This is what desire means. There wasn't anything in the universe as sweet as Amy. There wasn't anything as powerful as his feelings for her. She was his black hole. She stopped time and drew him in. Once he made his way to the singularity, he could not make his way back out again. He was lost in her, and he was lost without her, and he wouldn't have it any other way. Now… life was finally, truly back in order again.

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Penny and Leonard were pacing back and forth with worry. Neither of them have heard from Sheldon or Amy. It's been hours since they've been seen by anyone. What on Earth could have happened? Where on Earth could they be? Did Sheldon find her? Did they both leave Pasadena because of their pain? Good lord, this was going to drive them crazy. None of their text messages and calls were answered. They've left countless voice mails as wells and nothing. They were starting to wonder if they should call the cops. But then again, if Sheldon or Amy wanted to leave, that was their choice. It wasn't really a matter to call the police over. A few seconds later, Leonard got a text from Sheldon. He read it out loud to his wife.

"I won't be coming home tonight."

The two of them exchanged a look of horror. Oh no. This could not be good.

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 **Phew, I got through this chapter without crying. I hope you guys enjoyed this.**

 **Anyway, I suck at endings. I seriously, seriously suck at endings. This was supposed to be the final chapter, but I could not figure out how to end it. I guess there might have to be an epilogue...**


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